I'm Here For You
by Wicked R
Summary: Buffy goes down the basement to talk to Spike and finds Angel helping him with his new soul.
1. Default Chapter

Title: I'm here for you  
Author: Wicked R  
Disclaimers: characters belong to Mutant Enemy. No copyright breach is intended.  
Remember, it's just for fun.  
Genre: Angst, shortfic.  
Rating: R  
Set: after "Selfless", season 7 BtVS. After Cordy gets her memories back, but before the Beast attacks.

Summary: Buffy goes down the basement to talk to Spike. Buffy's POV.  
Pairing: B/S, with reference to B/A; A/C.  
Warning: not beta read. English is not my first language, so be kind.

Buffy avoided dealing with Spike for so long. She knew she will have to eventually, for two reasons. For one, she had to deal with everything that could cause trouble, since she was the Slayer. And Spike going crazy could just be one of those events. Besides, she felt like she owed it to him, for messing with his head. Would not be too far from the truth to say, that Spike was the way he was, because of her. He got his soul for her. She was happy for it, but it was too much of a gift to take for someone who wasn't in love with the person giving the gift. Or was she? Nothing made much sense in the last couple of years. She would've needed some time to think, to relax. Which was never possible around the Hellmouth. She would possibly die confused, as she lived her life. Did it matter? She had to die soon anyway. Sorting out things in your head only matters if you have a future. She walked slowly down the stairs, towards the place she last talked to Spike when Willow was missing. The basement was quite empty, but many things were stored down there. She had nearly got to the doors to the room, when she heard Spike talking again from another direction. She walked in the direction of the sound.

"That small schoolgirl next door, I think she was called Elisa, oh, don't tell me she's dead, cause I just saw her in the park," right, Spike was doing that thing again. Remembering the dead, "we were sitting on a bench, thinking up a game to have fun Angelus, and then my mind just walked away," now he thinks he is talking to Angelus, "I don't want to go out!" she heard him shouting so loud she stopped in her tracks shocked, "no lights, the boulevards from the darkness," now he was ranting quick, "no lights in the glass, and there's nothing I can do…"

"I'm sorry William. I'm so sorry." It was another voice. Unmistakably Angel's. He was really there! Talking to Spike.

"No!" shouted Spike again, "without you. Nothing I can do without you. Teach me how to live, how to pay for…"

Spike wasn't imagining things and he was coherent! It was the best thing that could happen, Spike turning to Angel and him listening. She better let them. She turned, hoping neither of them smelt or heard her, being too occupied with themselves. If they knew she was there, they ignored her anyway. She was already at the steps again when the realisation struck. Spike would eventually blurt it out in his confusion, that they were together. How would Angel react? Then she calmed. Angel knew a lot about forgiveness. She remembered he once said, forgiveness came with true love. He proved that before, towards her and towards Spike. Fairness and compassion must both be a part of how we behave towards those who terrorized us since when you comprehend you can forgive and when you can forgive you do not loathe and when you do not loathe you are capable of loving and love is the most powerful weapon known to all. You can apply it to all creatures possessing a soul, and to some without. As for herself, she still needed to learn to practice that.


	2. Underground

Buffy was about to look into Dawn's English textbook to see if she could help her with her homework when the sound of the doorbell interrupted her.

"Xander?" Dawn asked.

"No, he'd let himself in," Buffy moaned and raised herself up from the couch. She had a busy patrol, "be right back."

Dawn nodded, turned to watch her sister leave the room and pulled a face at the voices coming from the hall.

"Cordelia," Buffy uttered in wonder.

"Buffy," the ex cheer leader returned the greeting, but then there was an uncomfortable silence as they looked from one to the other, "Angel came here a few days ago, but he didn't check back with us since. Is he here?"

"No. But I know where he might be," the slayer picked up her jacket again, "Dawnie, I'm sorry, I promise I'll help you when I'm back…"

-

As they approached the same spot she listened to the vampires a couple of days ago, they heard the two again.

"…pooling around the beaten body, sopping off of the crumbling walls…" Spike was mumbling again, "…incredibly, awfully lifeless...dark blood sodden...insides steaming in the cold evening air," Spike whined quietly, "do you remember?"

Angel stared at the wall, trying hard not to get engulfed by the same feelings Spike had been fighting with, "yees…no. Not really. You don't have to remember each one. Just…"

"... it was frosty, wet," Spike continued, disregarding Angel, "my hands were glossy with all the blood that kept bucketing out of her huge, wide open cuts... I fancied..." His voice trailed off to a whisper as he down at his hands, "…someone was hoarse…"

"Spike, please, you don't have to be like Dru. There is a way out of this madness, take my lead…"

"…'twas on the long Berlin road wasn't it Angel? The children of the orphanage? Air revolting with groans, the priest who called upon your name…"

Angel took a shallow, quivering, nervous breath. He couldn't take it any longer. He did this to himself for decades in the past and hell, he still did it sometimes. He certainly can't stand by Spike if he was going to do this to himself for that long. He will go mad instead, or as well and then his whole family line will turn out mad. How ironic. He couldn't take it anymore. The sting in his heart was too much to deal with and he just had to get out. He looked at his surroundings, the school basement. There was something so inherently wrong about it. He wondered why it felt so pulling towards itself, but however it was, he had to get out of these surroundings. He stood up, and walked out the door, leaving Spike to mumble to himself, alone. He could do that very well alone by himself. The older vampire's nostrils were filled with the scent of memories and past kills, so much so he missed the smell of her past slayer and current seer, recollections making him sickened. Even so, he felt light-headed from the lack blood from a no feeding policy operated by the two of them down there in madness and the pain that was gripping his heart. Blinking back tears, he stumbled forewords, towards a voice calling out his name, "Cordy? What you doing here? I didn't expect you."

"Are you ok?" Cordelia steadied him.

"F-fine," he lied, "yeah I…." But he stopped. Cordelia always figured out his lies, "sorry, my mobile doesn't work down here and I found Spike pretty suicidal and nuts…A fool will go with his soul, wherever it goes, but the wayward ill-nurtured thug is my childe and I'm responsible for him…" Secretly he questioned his own

words. All of them actually. He really didn't think he would be fine if Spike just uttered on more word. And about his childe, he was concerned, nervy, and even a little scared. Especially because of the amount of caring about him in his own soul.

"Is that why you didn't tell me you were here?" Buffy chipped in, without actually expecting an answer. It was pretty clear what the answer would be. Angel has been avoiding her for years now. She gestured towards the door her ex boyfriend just got out from, "is he still suicidal?"

Angel shied away. He pulled both hands down his face, worn out, "I don't think he would actively seek his own death."

"But?"

"I don't think he'd actively keep away from it either," he said while listening out to Spike's quiet voice rhyming as if he was writing a poem, so inaudibly it was only due to his vampire ears he could hear it, "eyes gawk unclear into the flame light, teeth drain the rich, bitter blood and the body slowly dies with lab coats all around," reminding him of a certain Moscow scenario he was very keen on forgetting once and he suddenly felt light headed. He leaned against the wall to steady himself.

"Are you ok?" Cordelia asked quizzically, "do you feel sick? You look like you feel bad," she asked concerned. Buffy was deep in thought, trying to figure out whatever was she was meant to do with Spike now.

Angel put on a smile, "yeah. Just a little dizzy."

"Why don't you go outside for a bit," Cordelia said, "it'll do you good," she added.

"Yeah, I think I'll do that."

Buffy just noted the concern in the other woman's voice and looked at her to find her steadying Angel and leading him up, "I'm going in," she let them know, referring to the room Spike was in. Angel looked shaky right enough, but he wasn't her concern right now.


	3. Back Seat

"What happened?" Cordelia asked Angel when they got out onto the pavement that led to the front door of the school.

"Sorry, Cordelia. I'm just not in the mood to talk."

"But…Angel? Are you sure you're alright?" The brunette was still worried.

"Yeah, thanks, for worrying about me, but, really, it is not necessary," Angel was ashamed and thought he deserved to suffer again for what he did in the past, not sympathised with when he thought about it.

Cordelia backed away, her face full of concern for her friend, sighed, but refused to shut up, "I know you are embarrassed and God knows how cute you look when you are, but did I not tell you I know everything about you from my divine days?"

"You also told me you can't be with me because of that."

"Yeah, well, you're still my friend. Let me help you."

"You can't."

"Then come to the car. I brought you some blood. You can hardly stand."

"You should see Spike."

"I'm not interested in Spike. Buffy is," she said before she knew what she was saying. From up there she could see everything, even Sunnydale, but now she wasn't sure Angel was also aware of what was happening between his childe and the slayer.

The vampire stopped and faced her, "yeah…it seems so…" he scrunched his eyebrows thoughtfully, then continued the uneventful journey through the Sunnydale streets.

Cordelia kept quiet, as Angel wanted her, but her arm never let go until they arrived to Cordelia's four wheel drive and she handed him the large polystyrene cup of blood.

"Thank you," he tried to smile at her, crinkling his lips in one of the smiles that made her heart moan with elation when she saw them. He opened his mouth to say something, but she could see the hesitancy on his part and she patiently waited for him to open up as she was sure his mind was screaming. What she didn't know was what his mind was screaming.

Because it wasn't anything to do with his past. It was one sentence, over and over again. Stay with me. In the turmoil of the world or his mind, he would always go back to thinking of Cordy and his hopes about their lives together one day.

"We are going to talk," Cordelia stated calmly, her voice not allowing for arguments.

"Don't want to."

"Not about what happened to you when you wanted to talk to Spike. Not about…that. About us."

"What else is there to say? You can't be with me. Maybe a sorry from both parts. Sorry, and sorry all over again. You know what? I'm fed up with sorries."

"It doesn't matter," Cordelia said as she pulled close to him, "we have all the time in the world to figure it all out. I hate to see you suffer."

Angel wanted to express his disbelief, but Cordelia silenced him again with a kiss that both of them had been waiting for a long while and it was even better than they had anticipated. The tenderness, the taste and the sensation was still as they remembered from their dreams. She unbuttoned his clothes, then followed it up with unbuttoning her own.

Angel looked at her curiously, "what are you doing now?" He asked defensively.

"Nobody will be out at this hour. Not in Sunnydale. Too creepy for people to wonder about in the dark," she brushed herself to Angel. In all his years he had never met anyone who could do the things to his body that Cordelia could just by touching him.

"Do you like that?" Cordelia asked with a grin, looking down at him with desire burning in her eyes.

"I need you," Angel growled against her ear before pulling her into the car. They were both eager to touch each other's body's again. When Angel finally pushed himself against her tight opening and slid inside, pleasure and vibrations prickled and flared through their whole bodies.

Afterwards, as they rested in each others arms like they never wanted to let go Angel asked, "what made you change your mind?"

"I was untruthful to myself when I supposed I wanted to be just friends. I was just afraid. But I didn't want to lie anymore."

"I'm relieved you chose not to perjure yourself," they laughed, "what were you afraid of? Angelus?"

"Yes, but now that you know what can happen if you are truly happy, I realised you'd control yourself. Won't go too far if you don't feel safe."

"By the way Angelus… I need to go back to Spike. But thanks to you, I'm able to face my inner demons again," he leaned down and lightly kissed her forehead.

When she opened her eyes, he was gone, but that didn't matter, because he was hers.

The End.


End file.
